“I'm not truly part of the family”: 33-year-old husband fails to speak up when his mother excludes his wife while paying for dinner, forcing her to be the only one to pay for her own meal

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    AITA (34F) for expecting my husband (33M) to speak up when his mom offered to pay for everyone at dinner except me?

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    Am I the AH for expecting my husband to defend me when his mom blatantly excluded me from paying for dinner? We're a married couple (me, 34F, and my husband, 33M, married for 3 years), and it hurt
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    deeply when she treated me like an outsider. She paid for her partner and son's meals, but left me to foot the bill for my own $15 salad. His mom and her partner were visiting from out of town they usually visit once a year.
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    What really stung was that my husband didn't say a word or offer to pay for our meals together. It felt like he was okay with his mom treating me like that, and it made me feel like I'm not truly part of the family. Was I wrong to expect him to have my back, or was his mom's behavior just really hurtful and unfair?
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    I compare this to my husband and I going out to eat with my MIL and her partner and him offering to pay for his mom and I but not her partner. Or offering to pay for me and his partner but not his mom.
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    I could be the AH because I didn't communicate my expectations or feelings to my husband or MIL at the time and instead let the situation pass without addressing it.
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    khassiah NTA that's unacceptable and he at the least should have insisted on paying for his and your meal.
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    Chance-Revenue1500 OP Yes! All I expected him to say was, "don't worry about it mom I'll cover for my wife and I." Then off to the side with no one else around later on tell
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    her that was ride to exclude only his wife and that he expects moving forward that to never exclude his wife so openly like that. And she either splits the bill where everyone pays for themselves or she doesn't pay for everyone but his wife
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    khassiah Honestly in that situation I'd much rather just have ourselves always separated after that. I'd not want her bitter charity. But yes definitely something he needs to address
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    Traditional-Bag-4508 Did you communicate this with your husband? Even after you got home?
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    Fantastic_Quarter_79 Your MIL is a consequence of your husband's actions. He sits by and just watches his mother disrespect you and your relationship, and in doing so he is giving her the green light to proceed. In other words....your husband is the problem not your MIL.
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    u399566 Unbelievable. But fortunately there's an easy solution for that: no more dinners with MIL due to a blatant lack of manners. Let your husband deal with this, but you're not obliged to further participate in this circus...
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    lihzee NTA. That's really tacky of her, honestly. I'm surprised your husband didn't speak up.
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    Chance-Revenue1500 OP Yes! If the roles were reversed I would have said, "mom don't worry about it I'll cover for me and husband's meal." Or even said mom you can't pay for everyone at the table but one person this is my husband. Unless of course it was a birthday celebration which it wasn't
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    PittieLover1 I was married to someone utterly spineless for 20 years who let his parents disrespect me repeatedly. He never once stood up for me with either one of them. It's a huge red flag and indicative of
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    someone's lack of strength and character that they think this is okay. She clearly doesn't like you, and forcing you to pay for your own meal while paying for everyone else is blatantly cruel.
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    How many other ways does this man not have your back? If this is a pattern, you might want to consider reevaluating your marriage to a partner who doesn't stand beside you. I wasted 20 years of my life; I hope you don't do the same.
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    Blazing Sunflowerland She needs to tell him that each time he says nothing she loses a little more respect for him and when she has none left they will be done.
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    Obvious-Diver-4086 How weird. Are they staying with you? I'd cook a meal for everyone and exclude her.
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    Chance-Revenue1500 OP No they are staying in a hotel. Next time we go out to eat I'm seriously tempted to offer to pay for my husband and MIL's partner and not her. It's the same thing paying for everyone but one person
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    Business_Loquat5658 Yeah, make food for dinner you know she hates. Your husband is the even bigger AH here.
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    Hubbna56 Nope. Husband was. When his mother did this he should have spoken up and said that he would pay for both of yours. Letting his mother know he supports you. I don't mean financially, family, love, partners.
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    Bewdley69 Is there a back story? Has she always been a cow?
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    Chance-Revenue1500 OP She has done things like publicly on FB only recognize him for things that are our accomplishments as a couple. Told him not to bring me on a family vacation after we were already engaged and living together.

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